There is a lie that I’ve been telling myself. I think it’s a lie that many runners tell themselves. I’ve been thinking that I haven’t been working hard enough because I’m not working as hard as I used to. But it is a lie, it is a bold faced lie. I’ve been comparing paces and distances to last year when I was at my peak. I am far from my peak now. I have been getting out there. I have been getting things done. Putting in miles. Then when I was out on a run last week, I had an epiphany…
I have been telling myself an even bigger lie. The biggest lie of all….
Here it goes.
Ready for the truth?
I don’t want to train for a marathon right now.
Now, I don’t mean the, “Oh, I wish I didn’t have to run 12 miles tomorrow.” I mean I just don’t want to train for a marathon right now. I just don’t have the drive or desire right now to push myself the way I should be to train for a marathon. I have no doubt that I could push myself to be ready to run a marathon in April. The real crux of it is that I don’t want to do it. I’ve got a whole host of reasons why it would be good to push myself to do it, but I also have a whole host of reasons why right now is not the time to push myself either.
The bottom line is that I have nothing to loose and nothing to prove. I am just not feeling it. I know with training that I could do it. I just don’t want to do it. I know this is a shocking thing. It is shocking to me too.
Runners are a funny group. We will run through injury. We will push our bodies past the point of sanity. We are always thinking, I’ve got to go bigger, faster, further. I’ve been there and I’m sure I will be there again. There is nothing wrong with that line of thinking. Just as there is nothing wrong with recognizing that sometimes we need for various reasons to slow down, to not go as far, and just enjoy running for running.
After writing this post, I went to the NJ Marathon site and changed my registration from the marathon to the half-marathon. I thought that I would feel sadness. Feel like a sense of failure or something. I felt none of that. I felt a sense of relief. I felt a release of pressure. As I said before, I’ve got nothing to loose and nothing to prove to myself or anyone else. I also don’t want to push myself to the point where running is no longer something that I enjoy.
Sometimes it is best to take a step back and that is what I plan on doing.
Have you stepped back?