Before I started marathon training with Caolan, I would have been very happy with today’s run.   On face value, my run looks good.   The problem is I have been training and running long enough that I am very disappointing in it.

  Yes, on face value this is a very nice run.   The problem is that this is not the run I was supposed to do today.    I was supposed to do what my coach calls a cut-down AKA as a tempo run.  I was prepared for this run.   I had the perfect route mapped out which was relatively flat.    I had my paces written out, water bottles filled, and Garmin actually charged.

Yup, on paper it seemed like I was ready to go.   The problem was that I needed to get out of my own head yet again.   I’ve been hitting my paces on my normal runs but for some reason when it comes to my cut-downs I think I freak myself out.   These paces just seem too fast for me and I think that I choke and stall  on my run (yet again).

Today the heat came back and I should have gone out for my run early.   The problem was that I have been getting out early a lot lately and I was still recovering from my early than earlier volunteer position.    Then I had to take my son somewhere this morning at 8:30 not getting back and ready to run till 9:30.    I should have scrubbed the run and done a blinkie run, but I thought I still had time to beat the heat.   It really wasn’t that hot yet and I went for it.

I started off ok with the exception of my damn quads (yes, still).   I stopped once I warmed up a little to stretch them and my hip flexors which also seemed to be in need of some stretching as well.    Then it went down hill from there.   I kept going, stopping, and going.   Once I hit mile 5, I had a planned stop for a convenience  store to get water.   I opted for Gatorade hoping for a miracle.

At this point, my pace was better, but not on target which I had already given up on hitting.   I stopped watching my watch and scrubbed the run as a cut-down.   I had nothing to do but think about all the things that went wrong with this run, what I could do in the future, and wondering why I was doing this in the first place.   My main conclusion was that I really just talked myself out of being able to hit the paces before I even gave myself a chance to hit them.   I need to figure out how to not let these runs mess with my mind.    It’s a work in progress.

I also thought about how even though I have run a marathon last year, this is the first time actually  marathon training.     I think that since I am not following a generic training plan but a plan designed for me;  I know that I should be able to do the things assigned to me.   I know that my coach knows what she’s doing.   I know she wouldn’t be giving me these paces if she didn’t think I could hit them especially since I have hit them in the past.   So I have to figure this out.

Tomorrow is another day.

Tomorrow is another run.

I won’t give up.   I will roll my quads.   I will stretch.   I will do what I need to do.   What I won’t do is give up.