More often than I care to admit, I wonder what the hell I’m doing. I don’t think I’m alone in allowing the doubt to creep in. Then again maybe I am. Am I? There are days when I’m training where maybe I’m having an off day. Maybe it’s too hot.. Maybe it’s too cold. Maybe my foot hurts. Maybe I didn’t get enough sleep or enough fuel (AKA food). Maybe I’m just wondering what the Hell I’m doing. The trick is not to let these days define me. Not to let one bad run, race, swim or bike ride stop me. It’s easy to stop. It’s much harder to come back and even harder to live with the regrets. Therefore, I keep plugging along.
I know I’m not alone in my self doubts. (I hope) I’m not sure if its a gender thing, but more than likely it is. I was talking to a friend whose been running on her treadmill for a while now. She started running outside and is making the adjustment from treadmill running to outside running because it’s different, very different! I was talking to her about my MRTT group. She liked the idea, but felt the need to do more on her own first. I pointed out that it was like getting in shape to start going to a gym. We both chuckled, but her idea wasn’t so far fetched. Silly, yes; but also understandable.
I wonder if men think the same way. I think for the most part no. Men are not brought up with such body issues and self-doubt. I would like to say things are changing, but they really are changing very slowly. I wonder if as much Photoshopping is done on male models as is done on female models. Probably, not. I know only the females in the media have their looks, attitudes and words dissected even if they are not in the “entertainment business” much more than men.
I wish I could have the confidence in myself as my 7 year old son has in me. We were reading Geronimo Stilton -The Race Across America last night. In it they described the most challenging races in the world. We read how the Ironman World Championship they swim 2.4 miles, bike 112, and run 26.2 miles. I commented how hard that would be. He looked at me so lovingly and said, “But you could do it, mom.” The beauty besides the fact that he has no idea of what he is talking about is that he REALLY, REALLY meant it. In my son’s eyes, his mom is that impressive. I have to remind myself of that next time I let the doubts creep in.
So maybe (ok, no maybe), I will never be an Ironman. That’s ok though because I’m doing enough. I’m teaching my children by example that they can do anything that they put their mind to. I’m teaching my them that it is ok for a woman to be strong and follow the things she wants to do. We are all Rock Stars in someone’s eyes. Every now and then, we need to look at ourselves not through our see every fault eyes, but the eyes of someone who sees all that we can be and actually are. Sometimes it’s good to put the rose colored glasses on.
So I’ve got to get out of my own way. I’ve got to take the chances to make myself better, stronger, and faster than I was the day before. And if I don’t make the mark every time, that’s ok. As long as I didn’t give up and as long as I continued to try, I can be satisfied that I gave it my all. Because some days trying is all that a person can do.